Life and Death

how cute LJ is.

And I also forgot how to erase the advertisements from my layout. *crying*

Hello, how are you?
This week was very challenging to me. With a new environment, comes new responsibilities, new people and of course, new friendships.
I'm keeping my eye open to new situations, avoiding to 'open' myself too much. I don't know exactly the reason why I'm acting like this, but I'm starting to think, that the more we interact, get involved, or even trust people, the bigger are the chances of being hurt by those.
To be honest, I don't know why I'm talking about this.
I guess I'm just a needy person, and perhaps I'm just tired of being hurt by everyone else :(


And Oh my fu___ God, I need to practice my English more often, lol!

Once in a year I actually remember owning an account on livejournal.
The lack of a routine or even interest to update this, made all my readers go away! I feel sorry about that :( *cries*

I now promise to post once every week... starting now, ok?! lol

After six months thinking and setting up some things, I finally made my choice, so I'm getting back to my routine of studies for medicine school.

It took a little bit longer than I thought to decide this, but considering that I'm sick, and my depression keeps bringing me down every time, I'm finally able to seek my objectives as I always expected them to be.

Coursing Engineering in these past six months, made me avaluate a new world of possibilities, and I can say that I grew up a lot in this period.
Seeing things that I thought that could even exist, complex things and a future into machines, pure chemistry and reactions, made me realize that I care more about human contact and relationships, than about mathematics and calculus.

Being able to help people is something that always delighted me. Being able to know our body, its functions, the way it works, is more interesting (to me) than seeing how a reactor converses operations and power/mass balances.

I'm not underestimating Chemical Engineering, because as I said last post, I think is a wonderful and complex course, and perhaps, if I'd keep studying hard for it, I'd probably fall in love with it. But is time to think about a real future alongside with my past, and realizing that since I was a kid, the first and only carreer that I had i mind, was being a doctor.

It seems a little bit childish, but it helps me to see beyond the sicknes and finally be able to make my own decisions :3

Nah

since I don't post here.
That's funny because I'm always loggin' in to see if there's something new around here, but I always realize that I don't have anything new to post *lazy* or at least interesting! lol
You might say: "Oh my God! It's over a year! Of course there's something new"
blaaah!! There's not. I'm boring :S lol

Engineering
well well well.. Who would say that I'd get away from medicine so easily?
And I really did. Nowadays, I'm in an engineering course, Chemical engineering as a matter of fact.
It's a pretty cool (hard) course, and very "rushy".
I don't get much extra time with it, but at least I'm always online [!!!], lol.
I'm still trying to join med school, but I'm not really studying for it.. so... I don't wanna talk about that, lol!


It's all about Mana
Oh yes! I guess that "Mana" has been the only aspect that didn't really changed in this past year. "It's all about him" - trully is - since the website, until the signed Brazilian flag we sent to him.

I also received a gift from him, so I feel, no matter how, much close to him, and that's fantastic. It's awesome to feel like this, about someone you care so much.
And I'm feeling that in the next months/years, we'll be able to reach much more contact with Moi dix Mois, and even - finally - be able to attend to a concert!

*fangirl*

Moving out
Living away from mommy is really awkward. Might sound a little childish, but it's hard to get home, and don't feel the smell of fresh food ;_; and clean clothes over your bed.
Money has been another problem, because.. well.. Money is always a problem. I don't have to explain that.
I'm also studying japanese ^_^ - in a real school - and I realized that it's harder than I thought! lol

well.. I guess.. I'm ok!
Hope to post here more often :3
but now I have to get to sleep, because I have to do some papers for tomorrow, and I'm really tired. :(

kissu ♥~

Hi!
I'm (luckly) still alive! The reason why I'm not posting here with aaccuracy nor frequency, is the fact that I'm having overdosis of books, texts and work to do!
I know, it seems BS, but it isn't.
I'm actually trying to find an offwrok time to relax and I'm not beiing succesful! *lol*

Anyway, besides my rough routine, I'm working with all my heart in our new MdM portal: Moi dix Mois Brazil!
I'm very happy with it! We still haven't had our first monthniversary [!!] and we already have more than 100 users. I know it might seem a small number of people, still.. makes me happy!!

Other thing that pleased me is the release of Dixanadu. I'm totally in love with it, and I dare to ocmpare it with Nocturnal Opera. For some fans that seems blasphemy *lol* but for me, Dixanadu is even better than NO.
I love the rerecordings of Temptation and Pessimiste, as I love the rest of the CD!
I'm really happy with Mana-sama!

He's one of the few things that makes me smile at this point of my life!

Yey! I'm back.

Well... not totally back, but here I am.
I was in vacations after a long season of tests, stress and lack of time. Indeed, I still am in vacations. :P

So.. as you can already imagine, my experience with medicine this year wasn't very pleasant. I tried to join the university of sao paulo, campinas and the federal state of santa catarina, but I failed! :(
I can't say that I wasn't prepared, because last year I studied more than ever, and I really thought I could do it. Unfortunately I didn't... But here we go /o/ starting a new year, full of plans.

I was going to move to SP this year. I still don't know why, but at the end of all, I chose to stay here.
I think I became afraid of facing new fears this year. The rush, the short time and the exhaustion would consume me, and I'd probably would lose another year, trying to addapt myself.
At this point, I need my friends, my parents, and the food already cooked on the table. This year, I need to be spoiled... because next year, I'm gonna suffer!

Well.. I want this year to be different.
:3 I assure you! I'll tell everything about 2007.

God save the Queen.

DUDE, I HAVE TO STUDY!










I wanna study there!
So, I'm off to study to the second part of the test, which is gonna be in Curitiba again. *lovesss curitiba*

See you all, at the end of this shit u_u'

Baibai! :)

Cheguei ontem de São Paulo!
Foi tudo realmente muito legal. Andar por lá, andar de metrô, andar de ônibus, andar de táxi.. Enfim.. andar em geral por lá é muuuito divertidinho.
Resuma tudo em: andar pra caralho.

Eu, mocinha do interior, fiquei meio assustada com o tamanho da cidade no começo, hahaha =~ Mas depois me acostumei. Anyway.. saí daqui de Cascavel por volta das 21h do dia 23 e cheguei lá um pouco depois das 11h do dia 24. Sexta, perto do almoço, de Osasco pra São Paulo = trânsito.

Foi meio estranho chegar lá sozinha. Eu não tava com medo, mas.. sei lá. Até pouco tempo atrás eu não queria/podia ir pra Toledo ou Foz do Iguaçu sozinha, e agora, de repente PUF! sozinha na maior cidade da América Latina (e uma das maiores do mundo) Duh!



Fiquei num hotel na 9 de Julho (avenidinha importante lá), bem pertinho da paulista ;D. Mó folga! Um movimento bem grande, tanto de manhã, a tarde e a noite. Sorte que fiquei no 18º andar. Menos barulho + Vento = bruke feliz.

( LEIA MAIS 8D )

Aí de repente eu lembrei que tinha marcado com outro amigo no D o_o! E a gente NÃO AVISOU ELE QUE ESTAVÁMOS NO HOTEL. Puta que pariu.
FELIPE ME PERDOA!
Ficamos meio chateados com nossa conduta (HUAEHA na verdade ME CULPARAM totalmente por ter esquecido de avisá-lo) e etc..
Mas naquela hora não tinha mais o que fazer... *abraça Felipe* DESCULPA!

( Ok, continue lendo! )

hello girls! how are you?
jesus, it's been a long time, huh?
To be honest I don't fell like posting anywhere.. I kind of.. closed myself to the others, but I don't know why.

Anyway, the last month was really nice. My life didn't change at all, but I feel a couple of personal changes that helped me a lot in the last few days.
Yesterday I did my appliance test to college (Unicamp - University of Campinas) and I went OK! Math and Physics were my biggest concerns, and I surprisingly did them all right. Isn't that great?



I was terrified because of the main theme that was going to be choose to the test, but it ended up really well. It was all themed with AGRICULTURE. It was a technical theme, but I could handle it.
The results will come out on December 19th, so please, cheer me up to be called to the 2nd test!


The trip was great! I went to the capital *laughs* and besides the bad weather it was a really good and funny trip! My friend and I singed the whole time, laughed and had a lot of fun!
The bad part of the story is that the strong rain over there killed people, flooded streets and houses, and cancelled the tests of the federal university (which were being realized simultaneously to Unicamp's). I'm not sure, but I think the tests were postponed in some spots of the town.
Luckly, the school where we were, didn't have problems with lack of power. Otherwise I don't know what could had happened.

Wednesday I'm going to Sao Paulo, to apply to other test. This time it's all about USP (University of Sao Paulo). As some people had said to me before the tests, Unicamp was not difficult at all. Although Fuvest/USP is known by its difficulty level: It's hard and exhausting. Hopefully I'll handle with it gentle and easily.

anyway.. I'm tired, bored, sleepy, hungry and extremely a pain in the ass. So I'll protect you against myself.



Thank you for the attention [?]
HAHA


note: damn, I'm addicted to dir en grey~

I promisse I'll do a decent post later. I'm not.. in the mood.

un..
last post I put a little message regarding the deaht of my little girl. I've always called her "my little girl" because she used to act as a human being.. and she was very close to me!
I apologize for any disrespect or maybe English faults I might be doing at this moment. I don't know if they use personal pronouns to animals..
anyway.. her name was Mel, which means "honey" in English.



( more... )

DAMNIT! I shouted..


YES YES YES!
She gave me Beyond the Gate - Limited Edition *CRIES*
( Recomfortable! )

Ah, hello!
how are you guys?

It's been a while since you don't read my latest BS, huh?
HAHA @o Here I am!

This weekend was funny, although extremely exhausting.
Saturday I went to a costume party with my friends, and it was great!
I was characterized as a spanish woman (most like a gipsy). Unfortunately we didn't take many pictures, so I'll post a few "webcam" snapshots for you to check out my costume.


my nails (fake) had 6cm *_*" erm... They broke... ALL OF THEM ;.; *cries*
</center>
The place was quite nice, although the wind was SUPER strong, and it was damn cold over there.
It was big and a little bit far of the downtown of the city. We took over 1 hour on the line, in the middle of a traffic jam, waiting to get in there, but it was certainly funny.
The music was great too. It had 7 different spaces. One for each kind of music: Techno, pop, rock, funk, samba and etc. The beer damngod expensive, and that's the sad part!


My friends were dressed up which so much glamour! *laughs*
Batgirl, Pedrita (IDK the name of the character in English), Hawaian girl, police officer (quite sexy) and hippie. Not very original, but it was amazing anyway.
I saw a LOT of funny costumes. Since Power Rangers, Sailor Moon, and even the "Vingador" (I also don't know his name in English) but here's a pic:



Oi! *__* THERE WERE a FANTASTIC Jack Sparrow costume! The guy was sooo look alike Johnny Depp *-*
Pretty hot, eeeeh? I almost jumped on him, but the good-sense came into me *Laughs*.

I got back home at 6am, slept TWO HOURS @_@ and my fucking little sister woke me up at 8am.

That's it u_u'
I'm gonna write some other BS later. ç_ç

=***

O que fazer quando você se vê numa situação.. erm.. estranha?

Ultimamente eu ando extremamente confusa. Tudo me irrita; TUDO.
Ir pro colégio, me irrita. Passar seis aulas tentando absorver conteúdos e mais conteúdos, me irrita. O fato de estudar feito louca e ter 99,8% de chances de não passar, me irrita profundamente. As conversas paralelas me irritam. A falta de foco e de senso, me irrita.

Chegar em casa, não ter vontade de fazer nada; não ter saco para aguentar seu pai mandando você desligar o computador para estudar; irrita.
Te irrita ver sua irmã menor destruindo seu quarto, gritando, fazendo chantagens e conseguindo o que quer; enquanto você.. Haha.. Você, meu amigo, está gritando, com todas as forças, tirando fôlego de cada bronquíolo, de cada alvéolo pulmonar. Você ainda está gritando e chamando por atenção.. Um pouquinho só... E alguém escuta?

Você chora, expõe sua posição e suas idéias. Expõe o seu fôlego à todos aqueles que te ouvem. Pseudo-ouvem.. Porque na realidade.. alguém.. Alguém, próximo, escuta?

Cobranças em cima de cobranças; Não tem cabeça que aguente.

Essa necessidade de atenção é tão patética e subsitencial, que você tem que se suportar na família antes de mais nada; mas aí você se lembra que a tua família não te ouve? Te ignora? E ainda por cima te cobra?

Daí você pára e pensa: Que bela merda, hein?

E é verdade, parabéns, você está na merda. E não há livros ou textos de auto-ajuda que te façam sair do buraco. A melancolia ridícula que te faz expor coisas como essas. Coisas essas que ficam abertas a quem quer ler.
Quem quiser ler, leia ora bolas!

E a merda anteriormente citada não é só sentimental, como também física.

Mas... quem foi que disse que viver era fácil mesmo?

Finally the wheather is a little bit better than before; I still have the flu, though.

Did you guys see the last Gothic&Lolita Bible?
I didn't see anything much different in that edition.



This girl has a completely different beauty! I found her very pretty, and the contact lenses added her the atmosphere she needed to get into her character! I really enjoyed her photoshooting.

The Doll Catalog wasn't interesting at all. None of the dolls really caught my atention, and the same happenes with NOVALA TAKEMOTO u_u' which disappointed me in a huge scale.

And as I mentioned in my last post, Mana-Sama was just GORGEOUS. Since his face, his clothes, his lipstick, his wig, his hands, his rings, his shoes were perfect.. But what made more happy than ever was his SUPER-CUTE BAG A_A!!
I have been "dating it" for a few weeks ,_, And I want it so bad!
Awwwww...

Anyway u_u" I have to finish my sketches of the militar lolita ^_^! Personally, I think it will rock o_o *laughs*
Look forward to see it!

Well.. I'm tired.. D: And I don't feel comfotable to write right now.
So.. see you! ^^

I'm... I'm.... speachless.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g149/re_plica/glb2217.jpg
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g149/re_plica/glb2218.jpg
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g149/re_plica/glb2219.jpg
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g149/re_plica/glb2220.jpg

How can he be THAT cute/female/amazing/beautiful/delicated/creative/perfect?
I'm going to kill myself for being such a fangirl.

Ugh.
Melancholy.

I've been delighted about my idols lately. I don't know. It seems like I'm a conscious fangirl, d'ya know? *laughs*

This last Madousho gave me strength to keep moving forward n_n". I dont know why, but I feel so comfortable reading Mana's words. It's like knowing that someone you've never seen in your life, thinks exactly like you.

Anyway, let's talk about happy things!



How's the project going on so far?

We are now counting with 85 official members. That's a good number, although we haven't got any proposes from Chile and random South-American countries, and that's quite sad; But we have to understand that it's just the beginning and we haven't started the promotional stuff yet.

My main concern is to end up like Batsu's negotiations. So I guess we shouldn't take it with so much pressure... I guess... *scaried*

Althought we've got great answers from Midi:Nette, and we'll proceed with our projects!

The website is almost officialy on, but we're still reviewing some stuff, so please, look forward to it!

Me sinto um verme. Um verme apodrecendo em meio ao nada. Nem motivos eu possuo para me sentir de tal maneira, mas palavras machucam tanto, que nem ao menos saberia como expressar a revolta interna em que me encontro.

Me sinto inútil. E a futilidade e falta de senso em minhas direções me levam a um poço, semelhante à precipícios surreais de puro pensamento vago; Como aquele que você cai durante sono mal usufuído e tenta acordar sem sucesso.

Não posso dizer que não tenha rumo na minha vida. Tenho planos e projetos, sendo eles muito ambiciosos de fato; Mas talvez isso me faça pior do que realmente sou. Esmerar tanto por algum ato, fato ou atitude, me faz sonhadora demais quando se trata de outras pessoas. Minha vida está resumida em livros, textos e palavras bonitas, em rumo a passar em um teste que te aprovará ou não, sem basear-se em caráter. Engraçado não?
Você recebe formação de caráter que não será avaliada pra decidir o que você vai ser da vida. Banalidades nacionais. Para que ter caráter?

Acredito que a única coisa que me alegre em um momento como esses é o fato de ser digna de estar em contato com coisas que prezo, e envolvida em projetos mais ambiciosos que qualquer outro plano que tenha citado antes.
A minha vida baseia-se em sonhos construídos em palcos, e a reflexão de cada palavra, ainda que desconhecida por língua, pode tocar diretamente o coração e enxer seu mundo próprio e interno de vigor.

Vida? conceitual ou surreal?

Talvez seja somente aquele palco de sonhos, montados e controlados por um ser superior. Mas esse ser superior certamente não é Deus. Talvez seja, para aqueles que crêem, mas eu tenho uma visão diferente de Deus.

[random]
Deus brinca de The Sims conosco? Talvez sejamos apenas parte do software divino, do drive G:/ de Jesus e de seu pai, e de vez em quando Jesus mexe no jogo do papai e acaba tirando a escadinha da piscina de um de nós. E você sabe quando alguém está na piscina do the sims, e você tira a escada, o Sim morre.
É assim.
Somos objetos.
[/random]

Enfim, não quero discutir divindades e crenças. Não sou ninguém. Quem sou eu para questionar Deus? Mas a pergunta pode ser... Quem é Deus pra me questionar?

Hi! I'm back.
It's been a couple of hours since I arrived.
The trip was kind of funny.
I'm going to o a quick review.

1st day
- I woke up at 9am and went straight to the terminal departure bus. I got in the bus and met some friends by chance.
A bunch of students were going to do the same test as I. A couple of us were trying Medicine, engineering, pharmacy and nursing. It was quite cool. We chattered a lot, and discussed our fears about the test.
- The travel took 5 hours by bus. We arrived there in front of the university, and then we went to our houses. Our hosts were very polide and cute! I had a lot of fun, and I ate a lot.. *laughs*
- The wheater bothered me.. It was HOT as hell.. But I handled with it.
- I went to bed early because I was very tired. exhausted actually.. D:

2nd day
- Get up! 7am and we are up! My heart is bumping... 1st test day!
It's a short walk to the university because the apartment is near there. My friend was setted to pick me up at 7:30am. I had a nice breakfast, got a bottle of water and a few chocolates (they're good for concentration), my ID, a couple of pens and little bit of courage *laughs* and I went there.
- I met my friend, and we went walking to the university. We found a lot of people on streets.. The government says that there were 21.000 candidates. It was cool!
- The wheater is quite better compared to the other day.
- Getting there, I found my friend in the middle of those students! He was thinking that he wouldn't find anyone known! Fortunately we did our tests in the same block! He wasn't nervous at all, and that helped me.. I didn't get nervous either. I was pretty calm actually...
- At 8:50am the bell rang. We had to go to our classes because the doors would be shutted exactly at 9am. I sitted on my desk, filled out the forms and waited.
Those 10 minutes took longer that 1 hour. When the bell rang again, it was time to rock it up! *laughs*
- There were 80 questions. All the subjects... Since Geography, History until Math and French. It was a great experience.. Some questions were completely unknown for me. I didn't know even how to miss them, and I took a shot. It was a great test.. Everybody was quiet and concentraded. It was a beautiful atmosphere!
I finished it soon, and went back home. I was tired, had lunch and slept.

3rd day
- I woke up again at 7am and had a huge breakfast. I felt like an american person; Eating all that fat stuff in the morning ARGH! Awful! *laughs* I don't know how North-Americans can stand bacon and eggs in the morning >_> anyway..
- My friend picked me up a little late.. At 8:15am. We went to the university walking again.. and we had almost no subject to talk. Shame on us!
- The theme test was -> Portuguese and Brazilian people.
Personally, I have to say that I HATED it. There is no worst theme than that one. It was a stressful, long and shitty test.
- I got totally pissed off! My day was ruined by that fuc**ing test.

4th day
- Specific Subjects.. For those who tried Medicine as I did, the subjects were Chemistry and Biology.
- I woke up, had the usual heavy breakfast and went wait for my friend. Guess what? He didn't show up. I almost lost my test.
Anyway.. I ran to the university with my shoes! 15cm of heels! GOOD HUH?

and well.. >_> I'm not gonna write the rest.. Because you are not reading anyway :D
That's it..
*tired*

And I pre-ordered my Lamentful Miss!!!!! (L) Perfect!

Hmmm hi.
I'm preparing myself to go out of the city for my test. I don't know how we call it abroad, but here in Brazil its name is: vestibular. Pretty uncommon. It works as an appliance test to college/university.. I don't know how to explain *laughs*

I'm actually going to a city near here, so there isn't many trouble. I think I'm just nervous for the test D: argh!

so, I'll just go.



Somewhere over the rainbow makes me feel depressed ;_;
For those who watch E.R (Emergency Room), remember that song when Mark Green passed out on the beach. Dude, I never cried so hard in my life *stupid* then I really did it, in that occasion.
And now when I listen to this song, automatically -> I cry.



I was thinking.. My avatars are so fangirlism u_ú
I actually don't care, but I don't like my pictures to be on internet anymore *lol* Is that a mistake? Hmmm..

I just CAN'T stop listening to D. Yami Yori Kurai Doudoku, Mahiru no Koe, Pride, Sleeper and Mayutsuki no Hitsugi 8D It's kind of.. nonsense.. but I can't



Wateva.. I'm gonna package now =D
Kissus o/